Losing Katie and Sydney have been two entirely different experiences. With Katie we had to have someone tell us it was time. To look at her she still looked healthy, but she was in kidney failure and just was not eating. Even on her last day she was full of energy and she died they way she would have wanted. She was in Christian's arms with her tail (ok, she really only had a nub) moving as fast as it would go. Sydney, on the other hand, was so different. We knew it was time. We were not dependent on direction from our vet. At the vet's office, she did not move. She was in misery. Sometimes I think that made letting her go easier.
The last month though I have acknowledged the hurt and sadness, and I finally feel as if I am beginning to heal. I still think I hear her sometimes. I still look for her in the window when I come home, and I wonder if that feeling will ever stop. The tears started again, and I finally feel like I have truly grieved for this loss.
It's funny that as I write this blog post that it has turned out the way it has. I sat down to write about the positives, but it seems that my heart had other plans. Guess that is what healing is all about. We all need to follow our hearts sometimes. Given the challenges of the past few months, I am getting better about that.
